An evening with voldemort
by Joker8heart
Summary: Voldemort just want a relaxing evening but his death eaters won't let him.


Its evening at the Malfoy manor. Dark Lord Voldemort sits on his seat. Two Death eaters stand on his sides ready to satisfy his every whim. It has been a long week for Lord Voldemort he killed a people here and there but now he only wants to read the Daily Prophet.

"Oh My God, It's so dim in here" Said Lord Voldemort "I can't read the _funnies_ like this"

"My Lord, you already killed Louis Brace" said Snape

"Who?"

"He is the one who makes the Comics in the Daily Prophet My lord" when Lord Voldemort looked Bewildered he added "The one with the big glasses"

"Ahhh He got what he deserves, _Forget_ my Birthday will he" Voldemort Replied "Funny glasses he has though I mean I can't really wear one my self seeing I don't have nose"

The other death eater chuckled at this.

"Better none then having a _crooked_ one right Severus?" Fenrir Grayback.

"What was that _half-breed_? I thought I heard you talk" Replied Snape without looking at him "I _assumed_ that you only bark"

"Watch what you say to me you—"but Snape cut him off

"ahh another sentence you must be _very proud_ of yourself"

"Stop it" Voldemort lamely attempt to stop the argument

Grayback drew his wand and pointed it at Snape.

"Go on, draw your wand! Let's see how good looking you'll look when I rip your nose from your face!"

"You think I'm _good looking_? Sorry but I don't swing that way" Snape said indifferently without looking at him.

"Stop it" Voldemort Whispered again

"Just take it out you _COWARD_!" Grayback roared

"What did you call me?" Snape Said now Raising his Wand.

"You heard me you _COWARD_! Stupefy!" red light emits from his wand but failed to hit Snape

"Don't call me that you _mutt_! Sectumsempara! " but Grayback dodges it

Sparks Fly on every sentence that they make.

"_EMO BOY_! No wonder no one loves you!"

"Stop" Voldemort whispered

"._MUTT_!" Snape shouted finally lost his cool

"Stop"

"Nice come back _ jeans_!"Grayback Retorted

"PHEDOFILE!"Snape ducked from an incoming spells

"VIRGIN!"

"STOP IT BOTH OF YOU!" Exclaimed Lord Voldemort loosing all calm "IF BOTH OF YOU DON'T STOP I'M GONNA SHOVE YOUR WANDS TO THE OTHER'S ASS…AND I'M NOT TAKING ABOUT WOODEN STICKS."

"We'll Finish later If you _know_ what I mean" Grayback with a voice so low it seems like a whisper.

"I don't think we could both feet inside your _dog house_" Snape winked before assuming their position by their masters' side.

Minutes pass with silence. Lord Voldemort Finished Reading the Prophet and handed it to Snape.

"Look, Fenrir, more _toilet paper_"

Grayback snarled at him

"I'm _tired_ sitting here menacingly" Lord Voldemort said, Ignoring Snape's statement "Call Lucius for me Grayback"

"LUCIUS!" Grayback Shouted at the top of his lung

Lord Voldemort made a movement of covering his ears

"Inside voice, Grayback"

Several second later Lucius Malfoy entered. He is wearing an floral patterned Apron with matching Gloves.

"You call my lord?"

"What Have we for dinner?" Voldemort asked

"Nothing but the finest for my lord, Wormtail advised me that you favor _Veggies_ and what not."

"Carry on then"

"Thank you, my Lord" Lucius rushed back to the Kitchen.

"Kindly Remind me to torture Wormtail to the brink of insanity when he gets back, will you?" Voldemort said to Snape when Lucius was no longer at earshot.

"My Lord, My Lord!" they heard a female voice running towards them from the hallway. When the doors burst open Bellatrix Lestrange was out of breath but kneeled before them.

"My lord, I have a present for you my lord" she presented to them a black small box.

"What is it Bella?" Snape asked

"Chocolate again I think" Grayback replied with a mocking laugh.

Voldemort raised a hand for silence.

"What is it Lestrange?"

Bellatrix Hurriedly Open the box and shows them a…

"Lingerie?" Snape Observed.

"Not this again, Bella! The Lord does not need sexual gratification!" Grayback said, suppressing his laughter.

"Not from you anyway" Snape added, which caused Grayback to finally give in and burst with laughter.

Voldemort sighed "Bella what is this you present to me?"

"Its one of the Founders possessions" said Bella, Grayback immediately stopped laughing bellatrix looked at him with a mocking smile "What's the matter Grayback? Cat got your tongue?"

"Concentrate Bella" Voldemort said warningly "How did you get that?"

"well it was like I was walking this store and then I overheard that someone's boyfriend's uncle's mother's groomer's layer's son's healer's twin brother's land lord's dragon tamer's slave's distant relative's care taker's driver's ex-girlfriend's master's guardian's brother's" she took a deep breath "wife's whose friend with the merpeople and that they told her that this guy selling drinks near —"

Voldemort raised his ghostly white hand at her.

"Just, just tell me where you got it" said an agitated Voldemort

"Shame. I wanted to know what happened next" Snape sarcastically remarked.

"You lost me when you showed me the lingerie" Grayback told her

"EBay" Bellatrix said with a tone so low it's like a whisper

"YOU BOUGHT AN ACIENT ARTIFACT FROM MUGGLES!" Voldemort rose from his seat and stared threateningly at Bellatrix."DO YOU FORGET WHAT WE ARE TRYING TO DO? WE ARE TRYING TO ENSLAVE MUGGLES! NOT SUCCUMB TO THEIR WORTHLESS GADGETS. I—"

"My Lord, how do you know of this "EBay"?" Snape intervened

"Well ehem uhmm" Voldemort thought very hard for his reply. "Whoops look at the time, nearly feeding time lets get going before Dolohov—"

"My lord? How did you—" Grayback cut him off

"WE SHALL NOT SPEAK OF THIS!" Voldemort kindly advised" I WILL PERSONALLY FORCE FEED ALL TO NAGINI IF ANYONE OUT SIDE THIS ROOM KNOWN I USE THE _INTERNET_ AND THAT I HAVE A _FACEBOOK ACOUNT_!" seeing none of them replied he continued "Who's lingerie is that anyway?"

"RavenClaw?" Snape suggested

"hufflepuff" Grayback suggested

"Gryffindor my Lord" Bellatix answered. "He gets around"

END

AN: I burned my tongue today so I was forced to listen to my cousins' argument and this popped in my head. I think it should stay in my head its funnier there _


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